Keep Me Warm, Let Me Wear Your Coat

wow,livejournal.

I saw The Merchant of Venice last night. It was enjoyable.

My brother is getting a divorce. It kind of reminds me of when he broke up with his high school girlfriend( they dated for at least 4 years) and he came home from college and sat in the basement typing a play on a typewriter and listening to the guy who traded his soul to the devil to be so good at playing the guitar.

Except this time he's been married for 6 years and he's sitting on my parent's couch writing in his journal while his wife is in Milwaukee moving out of their house. And he's going to tear up carpet to take his mind off of things and be alone in a big house with a dog and a $1500 mortgage.

The thing about marriage is that when you get divorced you divorce a whole family. So who is going to give me banana republic sweaters that are too small and bottles of lotion and other things dated for half my age?

Okay so here I am at work, and I know this is highly unprofessional and inappropriate to tell but some guy just checked out a book called "How to Overcome Premature Ejaculation." AH HAHAHAH. Wow. That must have been really awkward for him to come check out.

My social life has gone from slim in high school to non-existant in college, and I have a feeling that this non-existance is going to carry on throughout the rest of my life. Many people go into life with high ambitions of their future, but honestly, for a long time i've had a certain edge of disappointment in the back of my mind because I know my life will carry on in this lonely, pathetic fashion. I will be slighly acquainted with my boyfriend's friends, but never to the point of being comfortable, and remain in distant contact with other people I once bonded with. There's some drive missing in me that allows many other people to live comfortably, surrounded by good friends, good times and good conversations. And sometimes--such as nights like this when I'm at my parents house because my boyfriend is in minneapolis visiting his friends-- it all just gets to me. And I have a strong urge to be sipping a martini, perhaps a apple pie martini. Which is sad really. But that's okay..on with the alcoholic sounding cliches.

bis spater

AH HAH HAH I got a C in Ecology! I thought I was going to fail. Hurray. The only downside is I may have failed one of my other classes...hopefully I didn't...

To my fellow students,

You know,it pisses me off when you come to class late, clogging my ears, with your coat rustling for five minutes, because you decide you want to sit next to your friend whose in the fucking MIDDLE of the lecture hall, so I have to get up, while you slowly pass through to the middle and then, instead of listening, you talk to your friend the whole fucking time so I can comprehend nothing.That's fucking enough. Or there's always the old come in ten minutes into class and start peeling an orange IN A PLASTIC BAG and then after you're done with that, you just sit there doing your math homework, and it's definately not math class. But you know..what really draws the line is when you sit there talking at the review session.It's at 5 o'clock at night. Why the fuck did you come all the way here to talk to your friend during the whole thing? WHY?

I don't know what the fuck i'm doing. Honestly. I slept most of the day. I think I passed out at about 12 or 1 last night(and I definately passed out, because I woke up at 6am with my contacts on) then I went back to sleep until 11, got up, ate some stuffing and went back to sleep. I woke up at 4:30. Oh hangovers. I have two poems to write that are going to be reviewed by my entire creative writing class, and a fucking outline to write in german about how germans readapted in berlin after WWII. I had a semi good time last night, but not good. I want to have a good time but I don't know if that's possible from me.

My ecology professor had a serious Oprah moment today. You know how Oprah only cries unless 1)She talks about how she was molested as a child or 2) when she reflects on the lives of the African child that she's saved? Waller had a #2 moment. He was talking about a national park in South Africa and he was like " I had the pleasure to visit this school house where a man taught 73 children in one classroom..(then his voice starts to get emotional) and they've never even been to the National Park! Then he tried to stop himself from crying. It was a sad day for science. And then he told us that he bought them posters, so they could be more involved in science.

My grandpa died yesterday. It was sad. I was supposed to go and visit him today but I never got to see him before he died. On Friday I went home because i'm a loser and I didn't have anything to do, but I couldn't get in touch with my parents. So I was like hmm either somethings wrong with grandpa or they went out to eat. When I got home I found a bible on the end table, and my grandpa's suit in a dry cleaning bag in the closet. It's really freaky to see that. When they got home I found out yes there was something wrong with him. But I dunno I didn't expect him to die the next day. Roscoe picked me up from my house at around 10:30 and I guess they called at about 11:00 to say he had died 10 minutes prior. I knew right away that he had died though...my dad called me at 11:30 and I had just talked to him at the house an hour beforehand..but I still busted out crying. I don't know why I felt the need to share this, but now all you livejournalers know the scoop.

I've been feeling a little freaked out lately. I mean I've understood the concept of death for awhile..maybe 16 or so years. A couple years ago I couldn't stop thinking about where we ourselves go when we die. Isn't it hard to imagine that your brain is going to shut off completely and you're not going to think again? I find it hard, infact I don't want to think about it. And that was a really bad intro on my part. With the deaths of two of my fellow classmates this summer the concept of death became ever so freightening. One day you're talking to someone in the bookstore and the next day you're reading their obituaries. The world is fucked up. And then last week my Grandpa got sick (for those of you unfamiliar with my family (which is most of you) both of my mom's parents have alzheimer's and she basically deals with all their affairs, so a big part of my family life since about 1999 has been what's going on concerning my grandparents health). My Grandparent's have each had their fair share of hospital visits this summer, but this time my Grandpa has pneumonia. He's getting out of the hospital tomorrow and he can't go back to the Alzheimer's facility because he can't walk, so he has to go to another part of Oakwood they converted into a nursing home. The doctor told my mom he has 2 weeks to 6 months to live. It stretches my mind and my heart to the limits to think that this man who used to walk with me to Mcdonalds and wave to me from the window everyday when the school bus drove by, can not only remember what was going on 5 minutes ago but he has 2 weeks to 6 months to live. So I have this hollow feeling in my center and a stabbing in my collar bone and everytime the phone rings i'm really really scared. But I guess that's the "road of life" as they say.

I'm getting really sick of looking for jobs. I've applied for tons of jobs, gotten like 3 or 4 interviews and then been rejected. Well i'm still waiting on a reply for one job. I miss America Reads. Alot. Fucking MSCR. Interviewing me twice and then rejecting me. Fucking UW dean not letting me go to MATC and UW aka save money and my job. And my german class is really lame. I want my Minnesota german class. Morph morph

The Randomness of My Week:

Jamal to a customer: Is it still raining out?
Customer: Yeah and there's this guy outside filling up a boat with animals. Do you think it means anything?
Jamal after the guy leaves: Wow that joke just made my day..it was like the reason I came to work.

Carol to the cashiers after it was busy as hell: Wow I'm surprised you guys are even still smiling after what we went through.
Customer: Well i'm still smiling..I mean it may be that the valium just kicked in..
(laughter)
Customer: We'll have to see what happens once the prozac kicks in..

You know what I hate? Bitches who only care about themselves, once claimed to be one of your best friends, and now don't care anythuing about you, unless it involves you doing something for them. Or maybe I've been phased out completely. Oh well.Other then that..i'm going to the Pete Yorn concert tonight. Should be good. Then one day of work and I get tuesday off. Woohoo.

I got into UW. Hurray!!!!!!!

Roscoe and I put a deposit on an apartment on North Pinckney yesterday. Then we went camping at Governor Dodge. It was the first non apartment related thing I did the entire week I think. David Melton was in the campsite across from us. How random is that? Anyways camping was nice..besides the whole puking in the woods in the middle of the night but hey..whatever. I wish we could have stayed longer. Work on Monday. NOOOOOOOOOOO. I also faxed my grades to UW on Wednesday. I hope they are good enough.

Today was my last day of work, and I have to say it made me pretty sad. I know. Usually i'm releaved on my last day of work but I don't know. It was just hard knowing that i'm not going to see those kids anymore, because I won't be coming back next year. Honestly that was the biggest factor in deciding whether to move back. But oh well, I might try to volunteer at Mendota next year. I have alot of shit to do before I go home but oh well. 8 more fucking days and then i'll be home. No more having to walk down the hall in my bathrobe to shower! No more getting fat as hell off of gross food. No more lonely, depressing weekends Well at least fewer hopefully. No more massive amounts of homework for awhile. And I get to see my puppy! Yay.

Wow I really need to stop touching things like zippers and then precede to take my contacts out. It would certainly prevent waking up at 7am and thinking i'm going blind.

Sarah's solutions to life:

#1. View the beautiful nature of Minneapolis, walking on a long ass path to Franklin Avenue.
#2. Get stoned.
#3. Go to the Spaghetti Factory.

Now, those of you who aren't familiar with the Spaghetti Factory, it's fucking awesome, especially if you're stoned. With your meal(which is cheap) you get endless loafs of bread, your choice of iced tea, milk or coffee, your choice of a side salad or soup, and a scoop of ice cream. Seriously, who else gives a scoop of ice cream with their dinner? So I got all that for $6.85. wowza.

I have come to the concluion that Goofy is my favorite Disney character, simply based on the fact that he says "gorsh". Oh goofs.

What started as a whisper
Slowly turned into a scream
Searching for an answer
Where the question is unseen
I don't know where you came from
And I don't know where you've gone
Old friends become old strangers
Between the darkness and the dawn
Amen Omen
Will I see your face again
Amen Omen
Can I find the place within
To live my life without you

I still hear you saying
All of life is a chance
And is sweetest
When at a glance
But I live a hundred
Lifetimes in a day
But I die a little
In every breath that I take

Amen Omen
Will I see your face again
Amen Omen
Can I find the place within
To live my life without you

I listen to a whisper
Slowly drift away
Silence is the loudest
Parting word you never say
I put your world
Into my veins
Now a voiceless sympathy
Is all that remains

Amen Omen
Will I see your face again
Amen Omen
Can I find the place within
To live my life without you

Kiddos:

Here is my mailing address, sorry it took me so long.

Sarah Michaelis
Pioneer Hall S429
615 Fulton St. SE
Minneapolis, MN 55455-0335